Dealing with conflict

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    There is something to choir conducting that is shared by every team professional and that I would want to talk about: we have to deal with groups, we want our groups to be able to work as a team and we sometimes have to deal with conflict.

    I was asked today what would I do if I had to perform one piece with my choir in a concert, and I asked the singers what piece to sing and they were having divided opinions. In summary, how does one resolve conflict?

    In almost twenty years of choir leading, my experience is that you can never imagine enough potential conflicts as they are able to happen. Things that apparently could seem unimportant for you, become very important to some people, who's involvement with the choir is big.

    First of all, I wouldn't make this conflicting situations as necessarily bad and avoidable. Some conflict always arises everywhere there is a group, and it can also mean that the singers are really engaged and involved in what is going on.

    Second, It's important as a choir leader to also take care of yourself. You cannot really help anyone if you don't look after yourself. This means try not to get nervous or anxious if any potential conflict emerges, and if you do, this is something that you can take as an opportunity to get to know yourself better. What I am anxious at? What is making me feel this way?

    Watch it closely, because it might represent something you need to work about yourself.

     

    For example, the first time I saw a choir member trying to monopolize a rehearsal I panicked and got really tense. I was unable to react because the situation really surprised me and I did not expect that behaviour. So I went back home obsessively thinking on this, and while trying to calm down about it and reflecting on how could I deal with it, I could observe that it was actually digging into my own insecurity and lack of experience as a choir leader, and that what I was feeling was a combination of anger at the situation that this person provoked with a mix of fear of not being able to lead the group properly. I was also angry at my self for my inability to deal with the situation on the spot.

    Eventually a meaningful conversation with the choir member (when the choir wasn't present) about what was that person feeling uncomfortable about, and making this person realize that this was not a very good team behaviour, worked wonders and the situation was back to nice and normal. It was not that difficult! But I wonder how it would had been if I had an instant emotional reaction to that.

     

    Since that experience, I realized how important is to address conflict from a neutral emotional position. Perhaps if I had an emotional instant reaction, the conflictive singer would have found more difficult to open up and communicate with me effectively.

     

    And this goes specifically for health related approach choirs. Have always in mind that you might have to be dealing with people who are either depressed, or anxious or might be dealing with any other kind of physical or mental difficulty. NEVER take things personally. Work in your own personality and empathy.

     

    So based on my experience, here are a few tips on how to deal with conflict in a choir, or how to prevent it. Maybe you can remember many more, I'd love to hear about it!

     

    • Try to understand people's needs and motivations.
    • Give few but very clear rules. Stick to them.
    • Find ways to agree and understand we cannot have it all (in this concert we will sing this piece/ in the next we will sing the other, for example).
    • Observe people and behaviours and don't rush with hurried solutions. - at risk of being called slow, I'd rather sleep on an issue and come back refreshed and with a solution on how to deal with a conflict.
    • Try to make the choir understand that we are all part of a team and that in a group of voices, we all give in something (in our vocal quality, for example, in favour of a group sound, or in our musical taste by accepting that not every song will be our favourite piece, but then there will be another we like). This can be done in a verbal and non verbal way, just through vocal exercises and activities (listen to the quality of your voice, and how you can blend it with the group or with other singer in order to “sound like one”).
    • Don't point out publicly specifics on conflictive behaviour (deal with it in private)
    • Create spaces to absorb individual creativity and input.
    • Recognize and celebrate achievement of the individuals.

     

    In short.

    Life is not perfect, choirs are not perfect, we cannot be perfect...but we can try to be better every day.


     

     

    Maria Soriano

    www.singing4health.com

    www.mariasoriano.org

    www.mariasoriano.co.uk

    @singing4health

     

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